My liver just broke up with me...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
