It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
