I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
