first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
