Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
