I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
