Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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