fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
