May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
