The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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