I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
