Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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