Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
