We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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