Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
