brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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