How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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