I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
