did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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