She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
