We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
