Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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