Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
