Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
