I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He shit in the fireplace
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