its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
