OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Non-Jews are for practice
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We don't watch enough power rangers
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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