i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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