She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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