I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
