Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
