oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
