I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
