my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
