Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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