Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
