Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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