I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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