Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
