I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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