Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
