the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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