??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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