one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
