Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
