she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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