he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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