they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
