Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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