i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize