I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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