Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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