i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
