i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
