Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
