There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
