Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
