I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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