I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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