I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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