He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
