hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
