Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
