I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
