The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
someone owes me an orgasm
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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