i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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