I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
