you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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