afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
