The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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