The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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