Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
