get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i think my cat just said my name.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
