When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
