I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
