The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors