I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"